What Not to Say or Do to a Pregnant Woman
Are You Expecting Twins and Other Questions that Should be Avoided
Jan 5, 2009
If you are currently pregnant or have ever been pregnant, you have likely experienced what it feels like to have a complete stranger come up to you and start touching your belly, ask you questions about how far along you are in your pregnancy or even how many babies you are carrying! You might have initially been flattered by the attention or politely answer their questions, but only later realize that this behavior is completely inappropriate. Why is it that seeing a pregnant woman gives society a free ticket to say or do disrespectful and even rude things?
The reality is that pregnancy and everything relating to babies draws people. We love the idea of the miracle of birth. We enjoy seeing photos of babies growing in the uterus. Newborns are very hard to resist and chubby-cheeked six month olds even harder!
Despite the fact that we love pregnancy, birth and babies, none of these situations gives anyone a license to comment as freely as they do without first considering the effect of their words on the expectant mother.
If you pass someone on the street, you are in the elevator or you have a friend or relative who is pregnant, here is a list of what "not" to say or do when you are in her presence.
"Wow, you are so big! Are you expecting twins?"
This one takes the cake as the all-time biggest faux pas of what not to say to a pregnant woman. No woman enjoys hearing that her belly is "big enough" to be carrying twins. The likelihood is that she is not carrying twins and your comment only has the effect of telling her she looks large which will never be a compliment.
"Wow, you are so big! When is your baby due?"
This question is only slightly less irritating that the one about twins. The fact is that if this woman is a stranger, she is under no obligation to answer this question and tell you when her baby is due. Not to mention that if the woman has actually gone past her due date, it is likely to elicit a host of additional nosy questions and comments.
"Wow, you are so big! You must be carrying a ten pound baby."
Yet another rude comment that has little, if any, basis in fact. Often a mother can appear bigger when her baby drops into her pelvis or even when she has a shorter torso or a petite frame. Suffice it to say with all of the above questions and comments, when it comes to the size of the mother's belly, it is best not to comment at all.
"Whatever you do, don't be a martyr, just get the epidural!"
How any expectant mother decides to give birth and whether she plans to use an epidural is up to her. It is a big decision and a personal one. Not to mention, mothers who opt to have an unmedicated birth do not make that choice because they are seeking to be martyrs.
Walk up to a Pregnant Woman and Touch Her Belly
Although it may surprise you, women are one of the biggest culprits of invading another woman's personal space by touching her pregnant belly. The first issue is that just because her belly may be prominent, that is no invitation to be touched. Another is that an expectant mother has every reason to be offended by this behavior, especially if you do not know her well. Even the mother's medical caregivers know that they should ask permission to touch the mother. Remember to be respectful and only if there is a reason to touch the woman, then honor her by asking for permission first.
If You are in any Business Relating to Pregnancy, Try to Market Your Services
I am continually amazed at the number of people I hear who will approach a pregnant woman in public and try to market their products or their services. This could apply to doulas, massage therapists, distributors of skin care products and so on. The sad part is that these individuals do not recognize that they are unlikely to make a good first impression this way. In fact, if you market your services this way, you will tend to come across as looking desperate for business or extremely pushy. Let your reputation and good referrals speak for themselves.
What to Do Instead - Notice the Unremarkable Traits
For some reason, we are in a culture where people think they can comment on anything or that they have the right to do so just because the pregnancy (or other physical trait) happens to be noticeable. Let's start an attitude of noticing unremarkable things about other people, like their kindness, compassion or generosity, rather than physical characteristics that they likely have no control over.
Noticing the "harder to see" characteristics takes more time and thought. Not to mention, those are the most important characteristics of a person and more than likely go unnoticed by the majority of people.
Do you have a noticeable trait that people always comment on when they meet you? Leave your comment here.
 |
